walk towards the peace

The tears threatened to spill down my face,

Not now, please not now the words barely a whisper inside my head

My vulnerability about to be exposed

He didn’t know I needed to hear his words, but God did,

He spoke the words through this man that this girl  needed to hear.

My child I know you, I know the troubles you are facing, I know because I made you and I sent someone like you too to speak the words that you needed to hear, there is a place for you, just trust me.

If there is anything I have learned these last months it is to walk towards the peace, the peace is where Jesus is, the peace is where He is waiting.

This morning in church the Pastor asked us what was keeping us from trusting Him.

A few weeks ago I sat and listened to her story, a story that is not too far from becoming a reality for me.  I didn’t feel the peace when I listened to her speak, I felt anxious, fearful, worried, I was scared, because what was keeping me from trusting Him was that if it could happen to her it could happen to me, and I don’t want that to happen to me.

The next week she sat next to me, and I did not want her to sit next to me, it was just the week before that she sent my fickle feelings into a tailspin of worry and fear and I was not in the mood for a repeat.  I didn’t want to be there anyway, and that really made me not want to be there, wanting to get up and leave, I stayed.

I closed my eyes lowered my head slightly, still mightily aware of her presence next to me, and He spoke to me, stop comparing yourself, you don’t know everything, so stop comparing.

God sent this man to speak his words to my heart, the words that left tears brimming my eyes, threatening to expose my weak and vulnerable places, it was in his words where I felt peace. 

I have been praying, praying hard I tell you, God I think I know what You are telling me, but I am not sure, but if it is, then I need You to send me some help, because I don’t know how, I don’t know the next step to take. Please send me some help that I could not mistake to be from anywhere but You.  

She walked past me sitting in the back row, she almost missed me, I almost missed her, the lights were already dim worship was about to begin when she walked in the door, the door she admitted she never uses, the door that if she had not used we would have missed each other.

We met a few months ago at a ladies night swap at church, we got to talking and found we had a lot in common.  I would see her every once in a while, friendly hellos would be exchanged but not much more than that, until this morning, when she came in the sanctuary through the doors she never uses, sitting together we talked long after the service had ended.  As we talked my eyes grew wide like saucer plates, I giddily danced in the pew, she was the help I had been praying for, the help sent from the Lord.  

I felt the peace, and I know to walk towards the peace, the peace is where Jesus is waiting.

I didn’t realize until I driving home that I just volunteered a woman that I barely know to help me without even asking her if she wanted to.

Oopsy.