Sunday, November 13, 2011

take it up with God

I grew up in fear, being afraid was my normal.  I was afraid of making my father angry, so I tried, we all tried, to keep him happy, but my father was a broken man with anger raging inside him. He called me ugly, he told me I was stupid, He told me I was fat, so I tried, as much as a little girl could, to not be those things so my father would not be angry anymore, but as valiantly as I tried I always fell short in his eyes, because he always found something that was wrong with me. 

Home was a uncertain, we never knew when my father would come through the doors swinging or ready to give hugs and kisses, rooms  at times were torn to pieces, bruises were covered under heavy makeup and holes were punched in walls during one of my father’s rages.  At times I would sit in the corner of my bedroom trying hard to be really quiet hoping he would forget I existed.
I grew into adulthood trying to please people the same way I tried to please my father as a child, but I still always epically fell short, because no matter what I did they always found something about me that needed to be fixed.

I am enough because I was created by God, crafted by His own hands, I don’t have to change to be the person someone else wants me to be, I am becoming the person God wants me to be.
Because the last I heard the planet’s population reached 7 billion people.

7 billion people created by God, perfectly crafted by His hands.
7 billion people and He knows each one by name, He know everyone hair on their head, every cell in their body every thought in their head.

He knows every trial and moment of triumph, He knows their past, their present and their future, He knows each of His 7 billion children by name and He loves every one of them because He wove them together uniquely and individually to carry out a purpose, no two people are the same, He intended for it to be that way.
And if that is hard to wrap your head around, He also knows every star by name, every mountain, every grain of sand and blade of grass.

He knows every tree, every leaf, every rock, every lake, stream and pond.

He knows every cub born on plains of Africa, and every minnow born in the depths of the ocean.

He knows His creation and what He created, and He knows it intimately.

He holds the universe in His hands

Because He is God, and we are not

I don’t want to live in fear as I did as a child, I want to be free, and it is in Christ that I am free, because I know the person I am and the person I am becoming in Him is more than enough.

And if there is anyone who doesn't like that, who thinks they can do a better job, can take it up with God.


  1. Hi Kandi - one place where the devil has been able to attack me now and then is in my feeling worthy and good enough and the thing God always reminds me (when I open my ears to hear) is that He created me and He accepts me right here, right now, the way I am, faults and all and loves me so much He gave His son for my sins, before I even knew Him - He loves you this way. You are precious and special and completely acceptable and wanted - by GOD
    God bless precious friend

  2. You have such a beautiful and transparent heart Kandi, and a special beauty that gives so much value to your life. We must always look deep down in our hearts and understand who we really are, so that we can love ourselves the way God distinctively created us.

    "for we are God's handiwork, beautifully created in Christ......"

    Blessings and love for your unique and sharing heart! :)

  3. Kandi,as long as we please God this is enough. God made us the way He wanted us to be. Your posts are always so encouraging. Thanks for this great post. You are such a pure and honest person and willing to share your life with us. Thanks so much and blessings to you always.

  4. Oh Kandi, I hate to hear that your young life began with such abuse from the one person who is suppose to be taking the best care of you. Thank you for sharing this. Very encouraging words about God looking at us as his prized possession and inheritance. He loves us and sees more in us than anyone ever will!!!

  5. Wow Kandi... Such a powerful and intimate window to your childhood you've given us. And yet, after all that pain and fear, you've come full circle and found that THE Father was, and is, there for you all the time. He made you perfectly as He designed, and loves you more than anyone possibly could.

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Have a Blessed Day!