Tuesday, May 17, 2011

get to know you

“So you seeing anyone?” my friends husband asked.  Was he serious? Knowing my current situation I was a little taken aback that he would ask, in my opinion, such a stupid question.  

Dating right now is so far off the grid of my radar I think it has landed on Mars and has started to build a home there. 

“What man is going to want some broke unemployed chick?” I replied.

I can’t believe I actually used the word chick, but I did. 

It just seems unfair to knowingly bring someone into my situation, knowing that I have nothing to offer and not knowing when that is going to change.

It hasn’t always been like this, there was a time in my life where I thought my circumstances were perfect to start a relationship with someone, yet no one ever came along. In fact, for some reason during that time I seemed to possess super human man repellant powers, I kid you not.

I know many a single women that are in this season, their life is flowing and marriage seems to be the next step in bringing their lives full circle and…

Cue the crickets. 

As hard as it is going to be for you to read these next words, it is harder for me to write them. As much as we think we are ready, sometimes we are just not prepared for the marriage God intends for us to have.  I had a very narrowed minded view of what I wanted my married life to look, I wanted a husband that worked hard at the office, I would a be a stay at mom raising the children in my neatly manicured suburban home with granite countertops and I was not interested in anything that did not fit into that criteria.

It wasn’t until this past year when God laid me on that steel slab and rolled me into the raging inferno of the fiery furnace that all that began to change. Wounds from the past that kept me from moving forward were burned up and it has been a series of slow baby steps bringing me in line with His will. It has been a constant forward motion of tearing down and rebuilding, and I didn’t think anything was wrong with me before that, I thought I was perfectly fine. It wasn’t until He got out the hack saw and started chopping away that I realized I was carrying around a bunch of dead branches that would have only gotten in the way of what God intended for my life to be.  

I would never wish what I been through this past year on anyone, I would never choose it for myself nor would I choose to walk it again, but I am glad it happened, and between you and me, don’t tell anyone ok?  I am glad I am still single, I am glad I have been given this gift of one on one time with God without any distractions, and if you are in a similar situation or ever find yourself there, you have been given a gift, unlimited one on one time with God. Take it for as long you can get it, it is one of the most precious gifts He will ever give you. Get to know the person God created you to be, the rest can wait.

My path has changed direction and I am starting to see tiny pieces of the puzzle slowly being put in their proper places, and as this shift in my life continues to move I truly believe God will bring someone into my life that is headed down the same God directed path I am.

So I may not get the husband that goes to work at the office everyday, I may never have children born of my own body, or the house in the suburbs with the granite countertops, but it doesn’t mean I won’t have a husband who loves me, children I adore, or a warm and cozy home, it may not look the way I intended for it look but it will look the way God intended for it look, because His ways are always better.  


  1. "His ways are always better." Yes His ways are far better. God will bring someone to your life when He is ready, not you. You have far more to offer to a relationship than a job or money, you have you. God has big plans for you. Many blessings Kandi.

  2. I love the way you share from your heart, Kandi. Instead of living with regrets over the past or worries over the future, we need live right where God has us now. His ways are best. And you see that. You are definitely where God wants you to be - wrapped us safely in His loving arms. :)

  3. Kandi, I know I just found your blog very recently, but I feel like we are living parallel lives in different cities! I am feeling just the way you are about this exact topic. I never expected for my life to turn out the way that it has, but I am thankful for being single right now (even though in my case that means I am a single mom). Thanks for your post. It helps me not feel so alone.

  4. Great words Kandi! I can remember that season after my divorce when it was just me and Jesus getting reacquainted. You are so right, there is something so beautiful about this time. And things will happen when and how God desires them too.

  5. Kandi, you have a beautiful way of putting things. I know God has you wrapped in His arms and is taking you down the path He wants for you. You are fortunate to have this special time with the Lord and being able to get acquainted with yourself. God will bring that special man to be in your life when He feels you are ready. It will be one that will share so much love, thoughts, happiness, and the Lord will be the center of everything with you both. I will be praying for peace for you. Blessings to you, Kandi!!

  6. Very wise words, Kandi! Sometimes it's hard to swallow the reality that our dreams were not in God's plans to come to pass. Rearranging those dreams to fit His and His timeline is vital. Thanks for sharing your journey!