It is the journey that God has taken my feet on that has enabled my hands to type the words that He has placed in my heart to write, and what a journey it has been. Each one of us is knitted together, carefully, precisely and intentionally, given our own special gift with a specific purpose in mind. I have been gifted with a learning disability that at one time I did not see as a gift at all. In my youth I struggled academically and I have spent most of my life struggling with why I have it. I don’t like having this disability and you will not see me running on a mountain top singing “the hills are alive with the sound of music” anytime soon as a testimony, but I have come to accept it as a gift. I really have no choice in the matter, there is no magic pill or miracle surgery to fix it, I was born with it and I will die with it.
I have felt the frustration of others around me, even becoming frustrated with myself at times, as hard as I try my brain just doesn’t process information quickly, I am not incapable of learning, the dial on my learn-o-meter is set at slow. It is discouraging, it robs you of your dignity, at times I felt worthless, like a lesser human being, when the small amount of self respect I had left was stolen away with one callous remark, “there is no hope for you”, wondering why I was even put on this earth to live this life, I didn’t understand it.
I have a plaque hanging on the wall in my hallway, it is quote from Mother Teresa, “I always know God won’t give me more than I can handle, but there are times I wish He didn’t trust me so much”. I have had my moments when I wish God wouldn’t have trusted me with this disability, “no thank you, I think You made a mistake can You find someone else please?” But God doesn’t make mistakes His creation of me was deliberate as is His creation of all his children. He knows our beginning and our end, and He knew that I would need this disability someday to lead me to the path He has prepared for me, to be His hands and feet.
I have often wondered where in this world me and my disability fit, where the prideful boast of survival of the fittest, a society that values quick thinkers, fast learners and our worth is measured by our financial assets and how many work hours we log, I fit into none of it, rather choosing to live in God’s society, to let Him drive the car of my life and use it for His glory. My disability steers me away from the path of my own making that up to this point has not really worked out well for me, and puts me on His path, a path that is so much better than anything I could ever think up for myself. I don’t need to be the strongest, fastest or smartest, there is no survival of the fittest in God’s kingdom. He chose a mere sheep herder, the smallest and weakest of all his brothers to be king, don’t discount the David’s of the world you may need them one day to beat the Goliath’s.
As hard as it has been at times my disability is a gift, and when the time is right, when His preparation is done and I am ready to start the next leg of His tour He will send me and my disability out into this world to be His hands and feet.
There is a song floating around by Jonny Diaz, More Beautiful You, I have attached a link for the song.
GREAT post! I'm so glad I popped over and read it. Blessings to you ~RachelReplyDelete
I am so glad you posted this. And like ripping off a band-aid, next time you speak of this, it will be easier. (And you got a comment from Rachel Olsen...I'm a little jealous!) Remember that God doesn't call the equipped, He equips those He calls, however that looks like. I was just telling Connor that fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) includes the good and the difficult.I am excited to see how God will use this post in your life and in the lives of others.ReplyDelete