the cup

There has always been a part of me that knew my life was not going to follow the yellow brick road this world we live in dictates our lives should be, but that is what I wanted, I wanted the yellow brick road of what everyone else had, what they were getting, so seemingly easy… I wanted normal, I wanted regular, yet normal and regular is anything but what my life has been.

Before I knew Christ I thought my life was about me, it was about getting what I wanted, it was about me being comfortable and me being happy, after I accepted Christ it took the better part of four years to pry my hands from that cup.  My fingers were tightly wrapped around it refusing to give it up, everything I wanted was in that cup, and I held it tight against my chest as Jesus kept His arms stretched out towards me, wanting me to hand it over, “My child, please give it to Me”, my hopes were in that cup, my hopes of a regular life, my hopes of someday being someone’s wife, someone’s mother, my hopes and dreams were in that cup and I refused to let it go.

I don’t know when it happened, but one day my cup was gone, I couldn’t find it, that cup was my safety blanket that I lugged around with me, I held it close never letting it go, never letting it out of my sight, my hope was that one day my cup would be filled and how was my cup going to be filled if I didn’t have it?

It was a ratty tin cup that was dented and bent from its years of travel and it was time for it to go.  I have a new cup now, it is a beautiful cup that He created just for me, I don’t carry that cup with me, it is too precious, I leave it safely in the care of my Jesus.  Each morning He fills it with something new, and every evening He pours out the ugly parts that have interwoven themselves into my life throughout the day, until only His portion is left in my cup.

I have written a few posts about this subject, and really thought I was done with it, that was until…

I could here the urgency in her voice, she is waiting to be married so her life can finally begin, she is only 28, and I felt sad. Our lives do not begin when we get married, our lives begin when we hand over the ratty dented cup that we keep clutched tightly to our chest until it filled to our specifications, and we accept the beautiful cup Jesus has crafted just for us, when we let the contents He has filled it with pour into our lives.  

I know my words aren’t going to pack much of punch, I was once that girl that held firmly to her flimsy tin cup refusing to let it go.  My cup divided my attention, as much as I didn’t think it did, it did, because I could not focus fully on Jesus, I couldn’t fully trust Him while I still had one eye watching my cup hoping and waiting for it be filled. I understand how hard it is to let that cup go, we think if we let it go we let our hopes and dreams go with it, but when we let go we let God.

These days I rarely think about being married, God knows what He is doing and marriage it is not it for me right now, but He has filled my life with beauty nonetheless, a beauty I was missing while I kept myself distracted with my cup, rather than letting it go and taking His. 

Let go and Let God, focus on letting God work THROUGH your life, and let Him take care of what is happening IN your life, I promise there is a beauty to discover you never thought possible.

Dear heavenly Father, I hand You this cup of my life today, it is Yours to do Your will with. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

That is my prayer each morning before I start my day, it reminds me that this life is not mine and that I am not in control, my life belongs to Him, and He gives me beauty everyday.