“So you seeing anyone?” my friends husband asked. Was he serious? Knowing my current situation I was a little taken aback that he would ask, in my opinion, such a stupid question.
Dating right now is so far off the grid of my radar I think it has landed on Mars and has started to build a home there.
“What man is going to want some broke unemployed chick?” I replied.
I can’t believe I actually used the word chick, but I did.
It just seems unfair to knowingly bring someone into my situation, knowing that I have nothing to offer and not knowing when that is going to change.
It hasn’t always been like this, there was a time in my life where I thought my circumstances were perfect to start a relationship with someone, yet no one ever came along. In fact, for some reason during that time I seemed to possess super human man repellant powers, I kid you not.
I know many a single women that are in this season, their life is flowing and marriage seems to be the next step in bringing their lives full circle and…
Cue the crickets.
As hard as it is going to be for you to read these next words, it is harder for me to write them. As much as we think we are ready, sometimes we are just not prepared for the marriage God intends for us to have. I had a very narrowed minded view of what I wanted my married life to look, I wanted a husband that worked hard at the office, I would a be a stay at mom raising the children in my neatly manicured suburban home with granite countertops and I was not interested in anything that did not fit into that criteria.
It wasn’t until this past year when God laid me on that steel slab and rolled me into the raging inferno of the fiery furnace that all that began to change. Wounds from the past that kept me from moving forward were burned up and it has been a series of slow baby steps bringing me in line with His will. It has been a constant forward motion of tearing down and rebuilding, and I didn’t think anything was wrong with me before that, I thought I was perfectly fine. It wasn’t until He got out the hack saw and started chopping away that I realized I was carrying around a bunch of dead branches that would have only gotten in the way of what God intended for my life to be.
I would never wish what I been through this past year on anyone, I would never choose it for myself nor would I choose to walk it again, but I am glad it happened, and between you and me, don’t tell anyone ok? I am glad I am still single, I am glad I have been given this gift of one on one time with God without any distractions, and if you are in a similar situation or ever find yourself there, you have been given a gift, unlimited one on one time with God. Take it for as long you can get it, it is one of the most precious gifts He will ever give you. Get to know the person God created you to be, the rest can wait.
My path has changed direction and I am starting to see tiny pieces of the puzzle slowly being put in their proper places, and as this shift in my life continues to move I truly believe God will bring someone into my life that is headed down the same God directed path I am.
So I may not get the husband that goes to work at the office everyday, I may never have children born of my own body, or the house in the suburbs with the granite countertops, but it doesn’t mean I won’t have a husband who loves me, children I adore, or a warm and cozy home, it may not look the way I intended for it look but it will look the way God intended for it look, because His ways are always better.