Sunday, September 18, 2011

words of power, words of destruction

I was hurt by the comments that were made, comments that in and of themselves were to a point, true. Comments based on a limited perspective  and not having all the information, an assumption was made, about me, that wasn’t true, and I was hurt, and if that weren’t enough, the comment was made in an e-mail message that included about ten other people. I was embarrassed and humiliated my mind was reeling, why would someone I thought I had a good relationship with, someone I considered a friend say such hurtful things that weren’t entirely true.

Being the Jesus girl I am I was going to speak her about it, privately of course, the conversation would stay between her and I and no one needed to know, when someone else who had read the e-mail talked to me about it, I expressed my confusion and hurt over it, “let it go” she instructed, “don’t say anything to her about and don’t let it bother you”.
Don’t let it bother me?! I felt I needed to defend myself, yes I made a mistake but it is not what you think, there is more to the story, my side of the story, I needed to set the record straight, and of course I was going to do it all Jesus like and all…

But really I wasn’t going to, my feelings were hurt, and when hurt feelings are involved, when they are still raw and sit heavy on your heart words are spoken that were never intended to be spoken, and that is where I was, I was on the verge of speaking words I wouldn’t say otherwise, because I was hurt and I wanted vindication, I needed to defend the person I know I am against the words that were spoken that said otherwise, even though what I planned to say to this person was going to be spoken in private the words would be out there lingering in the air, words that had the potential to change a relationship that I valued.
Our words hold tremendous power, more power than I think we even realize, their effects lingering long after they have parted our lips, long after we have forgotten that we spoke them, they have a ripple effect  that we will probably never see.  As I found out later the person who said those things about me, was spoken harshly to just hours before, unfair assumptions were made, assumptions that were not entirely accurate by a person who had unkind word spoken to them and through their mounting frustration took it out on my friend who in turn took it out on me, it was a chain reaction that left many in a puddle of confusion licking their wounds wondering what the heck happened! And it all started with harsh words by a nameless faceless person who was probably unaware of the flood gate they had opened and the numerous waterlogged bodies that they would leave in their wake.  

As long as we walk this side of heaven we will deal with and be the imperfect human beings God created us to be, at times we will be frustrated and angry, the grace and mercy we know we are called to extend to each other will battle it out with the unkind words that are begging to pass through our lips, and when they do we will feel better for about a minute, but regret will inevitably follow, and that is where I was, I wanted to respond, I wanted my day in court, at that moment I didn’t care how harsh my words would be I wanted her to know that what she did was not ok.
So I sat in a quiet place, my emotions fighting to control me, asking God to heal my hurt heart, and to remove the black soot of hardness that had wrapped itself around me, and He did, and then He released me to speak to my friend,  “How are you doing today?” I asked her, “You seem upset, can I help?”  Not sure of the reaction I would get, but an apology came and I was happy to have my friend again.

Our words are a mirror that reflects the condition of our hearts, and I can’t claim victory while my initial response was to give my offender a piece of my mind and coming this close to doing it, but it was a lesson learned in the power of our words. They can either build someone up or tear them down, they can be used to curse or bless. 
Proverbs 16:23-24 tells us that a wise man’s heart guides his words, and his lips promote instruction.  Pleasant words are a honeycomb sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Matthew 15:11 tells us that what goes in a man’s a mouth does not make him unclean, but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him unclean.
Matthew 15:18 tells us that the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart.


  1. Your situation is, unfortunately, an all too common occurrence--harsh words incite harsh words incite harsh words and the hurt just gets passed from one person to another until someone like you, who is walking in Jesus' footsteps, ends the cycle. Blessings one you, Kandi, for doing the right thing despite your hurt.
    Pam at 2 Encourage

  2. Oh Kandi, I know exactly what you mean - talking to her all Jesus like and all. :) What wise counsel your friend gave you and you showed great wisdom in listening and obeying. I do try to remember that most things are not about me, even though they may be directed at me, but I'm not always successful. Great lessons learned and shared here. Many blessings!

  3. Hi Kandi, I think the Lord sent you to my blog today so that I would find your's.
    Something similar happened to me today. Words and actions both have a tremendous effect on us. We can all benefit from wise council at times.
    Thank you for this post. I'm following you.

  4. Hi Kandi - the whole of last week I felt like that and friday a friend came over and I was griping and she just kept saying to me "let it go" "let it go" eventually, I told her I thought it was time for her to go :) but she knew I was joking. However, the whole weekend I kept telling myself, let it go and its amazing how my attitude has changed. Because my norm is "defend defend defend" and all that happens is chaos, even if I did it "Jesus like" Great post, Kandi and confirming for me.
    God bless

  5. Oh, Kandi, I struggle with that need to defend myself too. But, often, that is not what the situation calls for. Glad you had wise counsel around you!

  6. Man, I needed this. Ive allowed my emotions to take the wheel, reacting to situations instead of praying about them. So much anxiety... Thank you for sharing.

  7. What a victory in the Lord! I have long struggled to not let my emotions rule me, but you had the Grace to pause and allow God to direct your path. Through Christ, we women can use our emotions to bring healing and health and not injure or cause pain. Way to go, girl!

  8. Unkind words leave behind a trail of such bitter memories and hurt. If only people would use encouraging words spoken in love to build others up! That's how you will be remembered Kandi, because you handled a situation that could have gotten out of control, with Gods grace and love. :)

    Blessings to you friend for an inspirational post on a circumstance handled with a manner of style and goodness. :)


  9. It's amazing how words spoken harshly and carelessly can cause such a chain reaction of hurt, but they can do damage that's not easily repaired in many cases. I applaud you in handling it the way you did; placing those feelings in God's hands and allowing Him to guide you down the proper path. Beautifully done.

    Have a Blessed Day Kandi!

  10. I can so relate to this. Thank you for being an example of holding your tongue...even when you wanted to defend yourself. I love it when God works like this!!

  11. Wow Kandi I felt like you were re-telling my story from last week. I blogged about it yesterday. I try to avoid emails if possible. You just can't tell how a person means things sometimes. I know an email was out about me as well, copied to about 10 others. So humiliating. So disheartening. It is down right persecution! I so enjoyed reading this today. These verses brought courage and strength! :))

  12. Speaking as someone who has responded the wrong way and the right way in the past I can honestly say watching my words is just so much better. Believing the best allows for others to make mistakes and make up for them. Not believing the best just makes it worse for me and it doesn't honor God. Such great testimony, love your heart Kandi!